Nothing is fair in love or war
by aielsoul
Summary: Every trigger warning applies. SQ au. two shot fic. nothing is ever really fair for Regina.
1. Chapter 1

**First of all, I do not recommend reading this. It's dark and broody and angsty and needs every trigger warning available. Unfortunately, I cannot focus on the fic I am working on because this is stuck in my head. So, I decided to finally write it out, in hopes that it will quit haunting my mind and allow me to focus on my fic again. This is an AU, no magic or anything.**

 **Trigger warnings for rape, non-con, dub-con, incest, violence, suicide, drug use and pretty much everything else. This is a terrible thing, but I really liked how it came out in words, so I decided that today, my name is Misery, and I'd like some company, so I'm posting it for everyone to see.**

Nothing is fair in love or war.

It wasn't fair that she never had a mother to love her and take care of her. Instead she had a woman who gave birth to her and decided she owned her entire existence. Maybe if her father was around more, she could have had his protection, but in all fairness, he didn't want to be around her mother either.

It wasn't fair that the doctors had informed them that Regina would never be able to have children when she was only 15. Cora had been so angry that day, she didn't think to stop hitting Regina until late into the night. In all fairness though, the doctors had been paid very well to act like they didn't know what really happened to the broken girl. After all, it wasn't the first time.

It wasn't fair that her mother decided she would have to learn how to please her future husband very well in order to make up for her inability to produce children. The things she did to her own daughter weren't for her own pleasure, just to teach her how to handle herself and her future husband.

It seemed fair that a boy from a very poor family had taken an interest in Regina when she was 16. He was so smart and handsome. Regina thought she was finally going to get out of her mothers hands and fall into his loving arms. But, of course, her life wasn't really fair. It wasn't fair how easily paperwork got filed so Regina could marry a man who was old enough to be her father. In all fairness, the handsome boy decided he liked her mothers pay off more than Regina. The old man already had a daughter and therefore only needed Regina for her young and seemingly unused body.

It wasn't fair that he demanded she serve him as he thought a wife should. Nearly every night, he came to take what he had paid for. He had no concern for her well being, so that made his actions rough and violent at times. Her mother always took her to the same doctors to fix anything he broke, always paying twice as much as should be expected. To be fair, it wasn't Cora's money she was spending anymore, so the damages were fixed without much thought.

It wasn't fair that Regina had been taught how to please him by her own mother, but at least it hurried his time with her. The quicker she fulfilled his needs, the sooner he would leave. It wasn't fair that she got beat into unconsciousness by him and her mother every time she refused to put his man hood in her mouth, but she would rather die than taste that vile man on her tongue. She very nearly did more than once, but the doctors were very good at what they did.

It wasn't fair that the man had signed his possessions and estates over to Cora in his will, but his own daughter despised him after she witnessed what he did with Regina. Of course, it seemed fair enough to Regina when she got a police officer knocking on her husbands front door late one night to tell her there had been an accident. She had shook with fear of her mother finding a new slimy old man with money to marry her off to, but to be fair, Cora was in the car with Leopold that night.

It wasn't fair that Regina had to play the part of heart broken widow at the funerals. She had to cry and weep over her husbands coffin, and then her mothers also. But, in all fairness, she could smile and dance when no one was around. She cried and cried and tried not to smile when the police told her that her husband was getting the one thing she wouldn't do for him when he crashed. To be fair, it's probably very difficult to steer a shiny sports car that's going 85mph when Cora has her mouth wrapped around the shaft.

Regina found it very fair to learn that Cora had not made a will out at all. So, with Leopold dead, his assets went to Cora, who was dead. So, the next of kin got it all. Regina found it all very fair indeed. She sold most of the properties off quickly, not wanting anything of his. She put all the money she had earned with her life into investments, like the one property she kept. It was a bar, in fact. It wasn't fair that Regina had never been allowed to drink before, she realized her time would have been less painful if she had been drunk during her marriage. But in all fairness, no matter how drunk she got now, she still felt his hands gripping her body. She still felt her mother watching from the corner of the room.

It wasn't fair that men and women who came to her bar wanted her attentions. She didn't want anybody touching her skin ever again. They would all ask her out to dinner or some simply asked for a night with her. It seemed fair to tell them that she was a widow, and simply wasn't interested in them.

It wasn't fair that a blonde woman came to her bar every single Friday and Saturday night and sat for hours, sipping only a few drinks each night. It wasn't fair the woman was so stunningly beautiful that Regina could barely breath around her. It absolutely wasn't fair that the blonde woman always smiled sweetly and said 'maybe next time' every time Regina refused to date her. The blonde asked every night she was there, but never pushed her. She simply would smile so sweet, and it wasn't fair how Regina's heart trembled looking at her.

It wasn't fair that the blonde didn't give up on her. It had been six months of politely asking her out every Friday and Saturday night, and she still just smiled and waited.

It wasn't fair how Emma could send shockwaves thru her body by just lightly brushing her fingertips on the back of Regina's hand when she handed her a drink.

It wasn't fair that Regina stared at the door every Friday and Saturday night, longing to see the mess of curly blonde hair strut thru it.

It wasn't fair that the blonde was always the last one to leave on those nights. Regina would wait by the exit and Emma would stop in front of her and smile, hope filled eyes looking into Regina's very soul.

It wasn't fair that her body betrayed so often when the blonde looked at her. Emma should not have returned the kiss when Regina leaned in and touched her lips with her own. Regina should have shut the door after the blonde left, not before. She should not have locked it tight and taken the blonde by the hand and led her up the stairs in the back to her apartment upstairs.

Damn, it wasn't fair how Emma slowly and so gently took her own clothes off first. She exposed herself to Regina, never pushing for her to do the same. Emma just stood, naked in the moonlight from the window, smiling at her with that sweet smile. It seemed fair that Regina removed her own clothes though. It wasn't fair how her skin burned under that womans gaze. She wanted Emma to see her, no matter how much it scared her to be so vulnerable again.

Regina felt it wasn't fair how her skin reacted to the contact from this other woman. The way she sounded when their bodies came together was so foreign to her own ears. The moans and whimpers she made as Emma traced her soft mouth over every inch of her body was so alien to her, she thought perhaps she wasn't making them.

But it was fair to say she was making those noises, because Emma made her own moans and groans and whimpers and even words so soft and sweet when Regina showed the blonde woman how much she enjoyed her body. Regina never wanted to stop tasting this woman's skin on her tongue. She never wanted to feel anything but this woman under her fingertips.

It wasn't fair that Emma had to leave on Sunday morning. Regina couldn't ask her to stay, because to be fair, the blonde must have a life outside of Regina's little bar. It wasn't fair how much she cried just because it would be a whole week before she could hope to see the woman again.

It wasn't fair that Emma kept coming back, every Friday and Saturday night, and then left again every Sunday morning. It wasn't fair Regina couldn't keep her there. But in all fairness, Emma stayed every Friday and Saturday night. She worshipped Regina's body like it was the last breath of air she would ever breath.

It wasn't fair that Regina had this woman in her hands for only a year. It wasn't fair when Emma didn't smile and asked for water instead of her usual beer. It wasn't fair Regina had to wait until closing time to be alone to ask why.

It wasn't fair that Emma quietly told her she was pregnant.

It wasn't fair at all that Regina refused to hear any of the words after Emma Swan told her it was Mr. Swan's baby.

It wasn't really fair at all that Regina shoved Emma out the door without another chance to speak.

To be fair, Emma had been married for six years before she met Regina.

Emma found it unfair that the security at the entrance refused to let her in for the next 3 weeks. They knew her, and they knew what had happened. It was only fair that the bar staff hated her for hurting Regina. They knew the owner never let anyone into her home or heart. She had let Emma in and Emma had destroyed her more than her mother or dead husband could have. She had allowed herself to love this blonde, allowed herself to feel loved for the first time in her life.

It wasn't fair that Emma loved Regina more than she thought possible, and she had destroyed the woman.

It wasn't fair that the puddle of crimson looked so beautiful on the floor under her torn wrist. She watched it leak out of her and form the most beautiful pattern on her kitchen floor. She sat and considered how unfair it was that it would take so long for her to slip out of this unfair world.

It was only fair that she end her own existence, after all, this was the only part she could control. She could control how she ended her unfair life. She thought it odd that Emma fell thru her second story window, just then. How unfair it was that the blonde had managed to climb so high, when Regina couldn't even stand up right now.

It wasn't fair that Emma tore her shirt off and hurriedly wrapped it around Regina's ruined wrist. It wasn't fair that Regina couldn't understand the shouted words into a cell phone as Emma held her tightly to herself.

It seemed fair though, that Regina could close her eyes against the blonde woman's chest and breath deeply a few more last times, smelling the woman who held her. She could pretend everything was fine, for a few more moments.

It wasn't fair that as she rested her head on the blonde woman, so many people burst thru her door, disturbing her peace. But, to be fair, she was enveloped in blackness before they pulled her out of Emma's arms.

…..

 **To be continued… after I get over this bit.**


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing is fair in love or war, part 2

It wasn't fair that she had to fight thru her whole life. But, that's what happens sometimes. To be fair, her life hadn't started off as a fight. Her fight started when her parents died in a fire when she was only 3. The foster system had given her a fight for a life.

It didn't seem fair that no matter how brightly she smiled, the people who came to meet orphans never seemed to be interested in her. She didn't understand why, just because she didn't let the other kids push her around? It wasn't fair to judge her because she got in to fights all the time.

The foster families always thought it was fair to ignore her, or worse, pay too much attention to her. The foster fathers in particular seemed to like the wild blonde haired girl. She fought them off too, as best she could. Usually, they were stronger and faster. It wasn't fair that she couldn't completely fight them off until she was nearly 15. But, she found it pretty fair that the first one she could over power, she put in the hospital.

It wasn't fair that she caught the attention of so many boys and men. She never wanted them to begin with. She did however want to hold hands with a girl she met in her foster home when she was 16. Of course, the parents didn't think it was fair to keep them together after the interest showed itself to them.

It wasn't fair that every time Emma met a girl she liked, they were taken away from her. She never found a family she liked, and they kept forcing her into them anyway. So, she fought, but to be fair, that was all she knew. She knew if you wanted something, you had to take it.

It wasn't fair how hard it was to survive on your own when you're only 17. No one wants to give you work that is respectable, but to be fair, plenty of men offered her jobs for quick cash. She was hungry, and cold on the streets, so sometimes she accepted those jobs. It seemed fair that they pay her and feed her and let her stay in a warm bed for a night or two.

It seemed fair to Emma that if you wanted something, you can take it. That's what everyone around her had been doing to her since she was little, after all. So, when she realized she could sell things for money, it seemed fair that she should take things from other people, and use them herself.

It was fair that she sat in jail for her 19th birthday. This wasn't the first time, and no one thought it would be her last. Then a man presented a fair deal for her. It seemed fair, anyway. She was young, and beautiful. So, why not be a trophy wife for some rich asshole? To be fair, his lawyer could get her out of jail.

It seemed fair that she would agree to sign a contract with the man. They negotiated the time frame, because it wouldn't be fair to trade the rest of her life for dropping a two year jail sentence. 7 years in a fake marriage seemed to be fair to everyone, at the time.

It would be fair to say that the man needed a beautiful, healthy girl to be his wife. He was an up and coming government type, after all. He had no interest in her body, which was surprising to her. Apparently, he had a fondness for underage boys and needed a solid cover for his career.

It wasn't fair that she had to dress in thousand dollar gowns all week and play hostess to his get togethers in his massive home. But, they made another deal. As long as she went far enough away from their home, she could do as she pleased on her weekends. This had been a fine arrangement for her, since she never intended to let anyone too close to her.

It wasn't fair how many times she hooked up for a weekend with a strange woman so far away from where she lived. But, she never looked back on Sunday mornings as she returned to her arranged wifely duties. By the sixth year, it was routine.

It wasn't fair that the first woman to turn her down was the most beautiful woman she had ever seen in her life. The way this bar owner politely declined with her well rehearsed widow speech left Emma dumbfounded. She even returned to try again the next night. To be fair, the brunette bar owner turned down everyone, she was told.

It wasn't fair how the woman preyed on her mind as she sat thru another well mannered dinner party. She couldn't stop thinking about the scared brown eyes that had seemed to see into her soul.

It wasn't fair of her to return to the same bar again that weekend, she had never done that before. But, it wasn't fair that the brunette again told her no. She had fought for everything in her life, but this woman beat her with a single syllable. It wasn't fair that she used all of her charm and manners and tried to show this woman she didn't have to be scared, only to be told no.

It seemed fair to her that she keep trying though. So she did. She returned to the same bar and sat on the same stool for six months. She drank only 2 or 3 beers each night, wanting to be sharp and aware.

It was absolutely not even slightly fair how Emma's heart melted and her knees shook the first time Regina smiled at her. It had taken two months to get that smile and more words than a polite no. It shook her world down to the foundation. It wasn't fair at all that she was ridiculously in love with a woman who wouldn't let her in. But she smiled, and in all fairness, Emma couldn't have stopped seeing her if a gun were to her head.

It wasn't fair that night, when Regina slowly and quietly closed the main door, before Emma left. It wasn't fair that Emma couldn't breath as she watched the brunette lock the door. It did seem fair however that she immediately poured her soul in to that first timid kiss the woman handed her.

It wasn't fair that Emma could see how terrified this amazing woman was. She saw so much fear in her eyes, it made her slow down even more in her actions. Her entire being was screaming to grab this woman and show her how much she loved her, but that wouldn't be fair. So, instead, she took all the first steps. She was very slow and methodical as she removed her clothing.

To be fair, it was difficult for Emma to go so slow and undress first. Usually clothes were torn off and scattered. But not with this woman, she was scared of Emma. She looked like she had been thru a warzone, Regina's body was dotted with not old enough scars. Emma waited until Regina was done, and then she gently laid her down and she kissed every single scar on the brunette's body as gently as she could.

It wasn't fair how well Regina responded to her touch. It was as if she had never been loved in any way before, especially not physically. So, to be fair, Emma went very slowly and very gently with her. She was pleasantly shocked when Regina took control and returned the actions on her.

It wasn't fair that Sunday morning came at all. She didn't ever want to leave this woman. She wanted to hold her and protect her and never let go. But, her contract still had six months left on it. To be fair, it was binding her to leave Regina.

It wasn't fair how long the weeks took to go by. It seemed Friday night was years away every Sunday evening when she returned to the cold mansion she lived in. But to be fair, she raced as fast as she could on Friday night to Regina's bar and bed.

It wasn't fair that Emma could see Regina wanted her to stay every Sunday morning, but she was too afraid to ask her. Emma couldn't have said yes, so she never mentioned it either.

It wasn't fair that the day the seven year contract ended, Emma demanded a divorce, and Mr. Swan refused. They yelled at each other for hours before he finally agreed to find a quiet way to release Emma. He was in deep to the political scene and a divorce right now might ruin him, so Emma agreed to give him time, to be fair.

It was fair that she lost her patience after three months.

It was not fair that he could so easily drug her on a Monday morning and keep her drugged until Friday morning. It wasn't fair she couldn't remember anything. It was fair to assume she had been raped though, she wasn't entirely out of tune with her own body.

It was also fair that she demanded a divorce or she would go to the police and even if they didn't believe her, his name would be involved and his career would be over.

It wasn't fair that the process took so long to complete. She didn't want anything from him at all, so it should have been easy. But after three months, it got a lot more complicated. It wasn't fair the judge could order a pregnancy test. It was as if he had been told she was lying about there being no chance of pregnancy.

It wasn't fair the test was positive, or that Mr. Neal Swan smiled so smugly when the results came in. He told her to stay married to him for the child, but she refused. To be fair, she had nothing of her own except a child she never planned to have.

It was unfair that when she told Regina, the woman slapped her right in the face. She never thought that a look in someones eyes could hurt worse than getting hit either. She tried to explain that she hadn't been seeing someone behind her back, it was her husbands child, but of course in all fairness, that was enough for Regina to stop listening and slam the door in her face.

It wasn't fair that she had to deal with the divorce and custody battle during the week and then deal with the security of Reginas bar all weekend. After three weeks, it seemed fair enough to Emma to climb up the side of the building when she saw Regina's light on.

It wasn't fair that she fell thru the window and into a puddle of blood either.

It seemed fair to tear off her own shirt and tightly wrap the tattered wrist of the brunette while holding her and calling an ambulance.

It wasn't fair that they took so long to get thru the door, but Emma couldn't let go of the woman to let them in. It wasn't fair how tightly she held the dying woman as the blood soaked thru the shirt and onto her own skin.

It wasn't fair that as Regina closed her eyes, the paramedics tore her from Emma's arms.

It wasn't fair at all that she had to follow the squad to the hospital instead of riding inside.

It wasn't fair that as the blood dried on her, a nurse gave her a scrub top to put on, but refused to tell her how Regina was doing.

…

 **One more part to this, and it's finally out of my head.**


	3. Chapter 3

Nothing is fair in love or war, part 3

It wasn't fair that Emma had to watch as a man was immediately let in to the back rooms of the hospital. Apparently, he was Regina's father. She hadn't known she had a father, it never came up. To be fair, not much of their pasts ever surfaced during their weekends together.

It wasn't fair that he didn't come back out for the longest hour Emma had ever experienced either. But, to be fair, he spoke with a nurse who pointed at Emma.

It wasn't fair, the things he told her about his daughter. Emma felt sick and wanted to cry, but she didn't. It wouldn't be fair to have people pity her for feeling sick when Regina might be dying.

It wasn't fair that she was barely alive on the other side of these walls between them. Regina's entire life hadn't been fair, according to her father. So, to be fair, she told the man about her own life and the events leading up to finding his daughter nearly dead.

It wasn't fair that she had to open her eyes. She wasn't supposed to open her eyes ever again. It wasn't fair she had closed them filled with Emma's scent and the feeling of being held in her strong but so gentle arms.

It seemed fair to her that there were two nurses standing next to her though. They looked so very concerned. She sighed heavily and looked at her heavily bandaged wrist. There was a dull ache radiating up her arm, and she felt so very weak.

It seemed fair when a nurse darted out of her room and shortly then her father came in. The man looked so full of pity and remorse, Regina didn't have the strength to ask him to leave. To be fair, she didn't really know him. He had worked out of town as often as he could to avoid Cora. It wasn't fair that he could have protected her, and did not.

It wasn't fair that he met Emma. It was absolutely not fair when he insisted she listen to him and hear what Emma's life had been like. When he reached the pregnancy, Regina knew she hadn't been very fair to shut Emma out without listening to her.

It wasn't fair that Henry wouldn't let Emma go with him to see Regina when they came and got him. She wasn't family of any sort and she knew that if she were to be fair, Regina was here because of what she did. To be fair, she should have told the woman what situation she was in.

It seemed fair that Emma had to pace the waiting room for nearly two hours before Henry came out again. He motioned for Emma to follow him and she nearly ran down the hall to get to him. He said it wouldn't have been fair to let her in before Regina knew the truth.

It was fair that when she said no, her father had not insisted that Emma be let in. But now… well, to be fair, Regina very much wanted Emma near herself. It wasn't fair to leave her outside when Regina wanted her.

It wasn't fair how many machines were attached to the brunette when Emma finally entered. Her father stayed close, which wasn't fair because how dare he try to protect her now. Emma could protect her. Emma would protect her, not like him.

It wasn't fair the way her heart beat as she locked eyes with the blonde woman. It wasn't fair how her tears leaked down her cheeks. The feeling of the woman sitting next to her on the bed wasn't fair either, it felt so right, and good.

It would only be fair for Emma to apologize for the entire world.

It would be fair for Regina to apologize for not listening.

But to be fair… they would listen to everything the other said from now on. To be fair, becoming the co-owner of a successful establishment like Regina's bar made Emma look good enough for custody.

In a well deserved stroke of fairness, Mr. Swan was sentenced to a long sentence for human trafficking.

It seemed fair to the two women when their son was born that he be named Henry, after the forgotten father that worked tirelessly with his high priced lawyers to get Emma soul custody and find the evidence against Mr. Swan.

It wasn't fair that Mr. Mills died, only days after the boy bearing his name was born, but he died happy and he had finally done something for his daughter.

It wasn't only fair, but expected, when the women were finally married.

…..

 **That's it. I hope you liked it. It hurt, but now it's out of my head!**


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